Julie & Julia & Ellie

I got the idea for this blog after watching the movie "Julie & Julia." I know the story is about cooking, as seen through the lives of Julia Child and the modern young woman named Julie, who decides to cook every one of Julia Child's recipes in a year and blog about it. But if you watch the movie, you'll see it's actually a love story. Both of these accompished women had wonderful, supportive husbands who adored them and stuck by them through thick or thin, believing in their abilities without fail.

Lucky them. At the end of the movie, I found myself tearing up, feeling sorry for myself because I didn't have a wonderful husband, and had, in fact, never had a relationship that was so supportive. "That's why I haven't accomplished more with my talents," I surmised. "I've been cheated in life by never having the support I needed."

Then I imagined how I might function in relationship with one of those adoring perfect husbands. I realized that most likely I'd become so dependant on said husband's approval, that I'd turn the whole thing into some kind of dysfunctional, co-dependant situation. I mean, if I'm being honest.....

A lightbulb lit for me, and I recognized that I needed to develop that kind of unconditional love and support for myself. Perhaps if I could learn to love myself on that level, I might eventually attract and retain a healthy relationship. Of course after having learned to love and support myself, I'd be better on my own anyway. Win-Win.

I have decided to apply myself to this task for the next year: I will do my best to learn to love myself in 2012, and I will write about it here on this blog, my first blog. I will read books and articles on the matter. I will watch my self-talk and thought processes. I will even work with a therapist if it feels like that might be helpful. I will make this task my primary focus of 2012.  And I will put my findings out there, to keep me honest, to help me feel heard, and maybe to help someone else who struggles with the same issue. Anyone wanna take this ride with me?