One of the things I'm doing for myself this year, in order to love myself more, is I'm having the Cable TV turned off. Why? I live alone. I found myself zoning out in front of the tv every night. It's not good for me for several reasons. 1) I tend to eat in front of the tv, and the food choices I make often have nothing to do with hunger. This activity is not healthy for me, and since I love me, I'm pulling the plug on it. 2) I realize that in order to be this wonderful loving support for myself, I need to actually have a relationship with my Self. Relationships require quality time and attention. With the tv off, I have time to spend with me. I am more likely to write, dance, read a book, play guitar, go to bed early, and other healthy activities. It also encourages me to develop hobbies, to get out of the house more, and to enjoy a peaceful home. It has so many benefits, really. 3) TV is mostly junk food for the brain. I've gotten so that I hate commercials. And I don't like the idea that tv programmers and advertisers have so much influence over the way my brain works. Advertisers emphasize deficiencies and encourage shame around body size, bad breath, teeth not white enough, car not new enough, etc. etc. I want out of the "Need More Stuff" mentality.
So I haven't turned the tv on for four days. My house is so peaceful. I admit to having little panic thoughts when evening rolls around and a whole empty evening alone is in front of me. But when I relax into it and just do the next thing, the evening unfolds itself, and I end up having a nice time.
I've been listening to a lot more music. I've done some reading. I watched one dvd movie. It wasn't that great. I will admit to you that I have an advantage over someone who has never experienced life without tv. I had Amish grandparents. They had no running water, no electricity, and certainly no tv throughout my childhood years. I often stayed with them on their farm, along with my brothers and sisters. I got to see firsthand, and to experience firsthand, a life without modern conveniences and without tv. It was very peaceful. I always came back from a week on the farm with a quiet mind and a gentler heart.
Sometimes, when I worry about spending so much time alone without tv, I think about my Amish grandmother and the life she led. Even after my grandfather died, after she got a little house of her own with electricity and plumbing, she never got a television set. She lived happily alone, stuck out on a farm. She was always busy, but with a gentle contentment to be present in her life, happy to do whatever task she was doing. In the warmer months, she worked in her garden. Her gnarled, bony hands moved quickly in the rich dirt. She raised all of her own vegetables and canned them every year to see her through the winter months.
In the winter, she did a lot of sewing, making quilts, mending clothes. She also wrote letters to people, read her bible, and spent ample time in prayer. She baked her own bread and cleaned out cupboards, planned next year's garden, grew plants from seeds. She listened to the Christian radio station as she worked. She seemed very happy and never complained about her life. She had been raised Amish, after all, and a simple life where one was present in the simplest tasks was second nature to her. I am grateful for the example. Honestly, the days I have spent without tv have been very pleasant. I don't think I would have been nearly as satisfied with my life and myself had I been home by myself this much with the tv on.
And so, after my 4 day experiment, I am convinced that this is the healthiest choice for me. Tomorrow, when all the little Charter kids are back at work, I will call and have the tv officially turned off. While I'm at it, I'm going to go to Best Buy and buy one of those telephone links so that I can get my telephone service through my internet connection. I can keep my phone number, and my phone service will only end up costing me $100 for the whole year, as opposed to $40/month. So...that's a self-caring thing to do, isn't it? Save myself some money and simplify my life.
Of course, the winter weather hasn't really been bad until today. The wind howls outside. The holidays were fun, with plenty of parties and socializing to distract me. Stay tuned to see if my good intentions end up making me crazy when the newness wears off. Let's see if Grandma Mary's life works for me when I've been alone and snowed in for days. It's worth a shot because I am worth loving. At least, that's what I'm trying to find out.
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